1. Breathing

Sounds simple, right? Of course, we are breathing. There is the big difference — how exactly we breath.

Let me start with some theory.
Maybe you heard about sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems — they are key components of the autonomic nervous system of our bodies, which controls involuntary physiological functions such as heart rate, digestion, and respiratory rate. These two systems often work in opposition to each other to maintain balance (homeostasis) in the body.

Shallow breathing typically triggers the sympathetic system, which controls the "fight-or-flight" reaction, it leads to heightened stress, increased heart rate, and muscle tension. Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic system, which encourages relaxation, slows the heart rate, and lowers stress hormones.

During a massage, deep breathing helps shift the body into a parasympathetic state — this is a gift you can give yourself to relax deeper and get even more out of the massage.


2. Using your voice

My Butoh teacher said once: "When you do bodywork in complete silence, it's like when something burns in the kitchen — you turn on the fan, but the window is closed. The air moves, but it doesn't really go anywhere. You need to open the window."

I encourage you to make sounds: yawning, sigh, moaning, maybe even signing, toning, screaming (it is possible to make loud sounds in the pillow as an option), or playing with creative sounds like animals or sounds of the nature — this helps the body to release tensions.

It is also totally fine if you stay in silence, any reason is valid: if you don't feel safe enough (or not yet), if it feels too weird or scary or if you just don't want to make sounds and you love it quiet.


3. Asking questions

You have all the rights to ask the questions before the session, during and after. Questions about the professional background of the massage therapist, about the details of the session, the hygiene nuances — everything what feels important to you. Some questions might evoke mixed feelings, that's okay. I want to remind you that the massage is for you, and you can ask questions in order to feel safer and get a good treatment. The informed consent and your psychological comfort are significant.

You can also ask for a professional advice or recommendations, connected to your session. The therapist may not know all the answers, but it might be worth a try.


4. Communicating your needs

We all know that communicating our needs is important — and it might be challenging sometimes.

There is no need to tolerate discomfort (unless this is agreed upon in advance, since different types of bodywork have different goals). If you need to go to the bathroom, or your feet are cold, if some movements feel too intimate — I invite you to tell it to your massage therapist as soon as you feel it. Also even if you agreed on some level of pain or discomfort during the session, you can negotiate again during the session and you can change your mind — this is your body and you can make the decisions. You can ask for a break, you can breathe and take your time to integrate/ formulate questions/ decide if you want to stop or change something about the session.

I acknowledge that communicating your needs might be difficult. One of the reasons is that before communicating we are going through three more steps — this is what I learned at the training "Like a pro. The wheel of consent for professionals" ©Betty Martin. All the steps are:

I. Notice
II. Trust
III. Value
IV. Communicate

• Notice

An example: "This massage is pleasant, but something distracts me. I feel slight discomfort. The therapist massages my back, everything feels good there. It seems that it is about the different area... I scan my body: ah, my feet are cold!"

The step of Noticing is about bringing awareness to what’s happening within and around you. This includes tuning into your physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts. Noticing involves becoming more conscious of your inner experience as well as the external environment, allowing you to become fully present in the moment.

Noticing might involve taking a few deep breaths to become more grounded, observing any tension or relaxation in your body, or paying attention to subtle cues like body language, energy shifts, or discomfort. This step helps to connect with real needs, boundaries, and comfort level.

Sometimes it’s difficult to notice, and therefore, communicate our needs.

• Trust

An example: "But it is really warm in the space, how my feet could be cold? Maybe it just seemed that way to me, but in reality my feet are warm... No, I trust myself, my feet are definitely cold."

Trust in this context means trusting yourself, your own boundaries, and your ability to express those boundaries. It also involves trusting the other person’s ability to honor those boundaries and listen openly.
For a professional, it means demonstrating respect for the client’s boundaries and clearly showing that the client’s comfort is the priority.

It might be easy to notice, but difficult to trust, and therefore, communicate our needs.

• Value

An example: "But is it that important? My feet will soon be warm. Even if not, it is not a big deal. I can concentrate more on the pleasant back massage. I don't want to interrupt the flow... No, it is important, I want to feel completely comfortable, I deserve it."

Value in this framework means treating yourself with respect, care, and attentiveness; acknowledging your right to be comfortable, safe and recognizing that your preferences matter. For the professional, this means valuing the client’s autonomy, choices, and unique needs rather than viewing the client as just a recipient of service.

It might be easy to notice and trust, but difficult to value, and therefore, communicate our needs.

• Communicate

An example: "I want to say that my feet are cold, can you warm them please?"

Communicate — is the active expression of needs, boundaries, and feelings. It’s about verbalizing what has been noticed, trusted, and valued in a way that is clear and respectful.
Communication might involve a therapist checking in with the client, asking specific questions about comfort levels, or inviting feedback throughout the session. For clients, communication involves openly stating what feels good, what doesn’t, and if any adjustments are needed.

It might be easy to notice, trust, value, but difficult to communicate our needs.

It is a lifelong journey to practice each step and it is absolutely fine if something was not "perfect". I encourage you to celebrate each moment when you manage to notice, trust, value, communicate your needs. It is valuable and important.


5. Acknowledging the power dynamics

In professional settings like massage therapy, the therapist is seen as the expert. This dynamic can create an unspoken power imbalance where the client feels hesitant to challenge or direct the professional. Some clients might assume that the therapist "knows best," even if the therapist’s approach doesn’t feel entirely right for them.

This dynamic might lead clients to go along with a session without expressing discomfort, ultimately reducing the effectiveness and enjoyment of the treatment. They may ignore their own instincts or needs because they defer to the therapist’s judgment.

There might be more power dynamics involved, you can read more in the article "Power dynamics in massage therapy"

It might be helpful to deconstruct the idea that therapist is always "right" and pay attention to your gut feelings. There is more about it in the article "Recognizing red flags during a massage"


And.. a friendly reminder

I also recommend to stay hydrated: drink water during the day. However, avoid drinking a lot right before the massage. If you need to go to the toilet — communicate this to your massage therapist and please do not hold it until the end of the session. Generally, it might be a good idea to use the bathroom before the massage anyway. A heavy meal before a massage can make you feel uncomfortable — as well as an empty stomach. I recommend to have a light snack or meal an hour or two before the appointment. And after the appointment I advice to schedule some time to relax. Give yourself time for integration — whether it’s sipping tea, taking a walk or/and writing notes in your diary.

I hope this was helpful, I wish you beautiful massage sessions!


P.S. If you want to discuss this post or use the text on your resources, please contact me smbkuzmina@gmail.com